Jake Schwartz 19 Sep 2015
Jake Schwartz @Jake11291
I am literally sitting at the most degenerate table ever constructed at any wedding ever
RT @davidtuthill: congratulations to @pillaimignon on the official end of his life #brownweddingday
Trying to figure out how to tie a tie in the Uber on the way to Shankar's wedding. Doubt I'll be able to pull it off
Just spent 10 minutes swiping Right as fast as I could on my moms tinder. This is the first connection. Classy dude http://t.co/nKjJyQqDY3
RT @TheDirtySports: NBA Live features every player after a 2 day crack bender http://t.co/S430eAGUTR
According to my Grandmother, the term for having a boob job is "all boobed up".
Jake Schwartz 16 Sep 2015
Riding past an Anti-Uber rally while in an Uber in New York City. Seems real
Jake Schwartz 14 Sep 2015
Hearing stories about Bills fans faceplanting into buses, fingering butt holes and jerking off random dudes in the stands. Explain @djmacjr
Jake Schwartz 13 Sep 2015
Seems like a pretty hilariously ironic way for the Seahawks to lose the first game this season
First thing he inexplicably announces this week as the show opens is that he is quitting after this season cause his wife inherited $40 Mil
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