RT @ResisterSiano: I just don't understand the toxic hate directed at Greta. So many stupid assholes get famous for bullshit and y'all pra…

@EpicGames wants to kill @FortniteGame so bad they infested their player pool with perfect aim bots. I know user nu… https://t.co/bpXDg6gPM8

RT @KayceSmith: I keep getting asked to comment on this. I’ll have to wait to address these women’s anger accusations tomorrow, because eve…

RT @LeeCamp: Julian Assange is facing 200 years in prison because he decided that people should know about the horrific crimes our governme…

Guy breaking into my car: *shuffling noises* Me: *midnight snack eating noises* “Are you the one that’s been trying… https://t.co/la7nfiu3Oz

Can the @FortniteGame update where everything is back to semi-normal hurry please? I was stoked for greasy grove bu… https://t.co/R1BDYbvtph

Me: *mentions @DavidHasselhoff in conversation* my 7yo: “who is David Hasselhoff? The guy from Spongebob?”

I didn’t know @MileyCyrus was such a big @nineinchnails fan until I heard On A Roll & realized it was ripped off from Head Like a Hole.

So we’re praying for another thing instead of actually doing something again? We never deserved this planet, anyway. #PrayforAmazonas

If we’re not careful, cooking show hosts & action movie heroes will use up all the puns & there won’t be any left over for the rest of us.